A Soldier's Wife ~ Quiet Moments Busy Lives

Congressional Metal of Honor Society

By COL Robert Howard (USA Ret.
Medal of Honor Recipient

When I joined the military in 1956, I was like many young men my age who enlisted; I wanted to protect the ideals of this country and also build a career. Little did I know that my experiences would lead to a Medal of Honor, and how poignant those lessons would be even now—53 years later—during our current national hardship.

Just after Christmas in 1968, I was on a mission to rescue a missing American soldier in enemy controlled Vietnam. We had just left the landing zone when we were attacked and many of us critically wounded, including me. For the next three and half hours, I had one choice: to lay and wait, or keep fighting for my men.

If I waited, I gambled that things would get better while I did nothing. If I kept fighting, no matter how painful, I could stack the odds that recovery for my men and a safe exodus was achievable.

Today on National Medal of Honor Day (3/25) —an annual tribute that I and other recipients humbly appreciate—I encourage Americans to recognize that in untenable situations, selfless people make the difference.

The Medal of Honor has been awarded only 3,448 times since the Civil War, and I’m reminded regularly by my fellow recipients (only 98 are living today) that extraordinary things can be accomplished by ordinary people from all parts of America.

Hard times ask us to put a greater good before our own interests. It is sometimes physically or emotionally painful. Yet throughout history, you will find common men and women who fought selflessly in a variety of ways for something so much larger than just their own benefit.

Today, we’re fighting terrorism and the spread of tyranny. We’re challenged by market upheaval, joblessness and perhaps hunger. But the human spirit is resilient and can withstand more than sometimes we are able to immediately comprehend.

It’s up to each of us to not lay and wait for better days, but instead look for opportunities to make the lives of those around us better. National Medal of Honor Day is not a celebration. It is a solemn time to reflect on the freedom we enjoy, its price, and how our own bravery can improve the world around us.

COL Robert Howard (USA Ret.) is president of the Congressional Medal of Honor Society.

regarding the President's speeches and his agenda for the country....and yet.....when I listened to a small part of his speech the other night I was, well, unimpressed.

I still kept my opinion to myself. Even after knowing that the chances of the military seeing a raise this year higher then 2.9% were slim....I still kept my opinions to myself. But after reading the words of Mr. O'Hanlon from the Brookings Institution....well, today I feel I can no longer keep my opinion over the whole thing to myself.

His statement in the Army Times article regarding the 2010 Military Pay scale found here were, and I quote:

‘There’s plenty of room for debate about whether we should be doing more. ... But I think financially, we take pretty good care of people.’
MICHAEL O’HANLON THE BROOKINGS INSTITUTION

Now, the pay raise, I am, I suppose, not surprised over. Democrats are known for lower pay raises, but I am of course, disappointed. In one fell swoop our Commander-in-Chief has widened the gap between the private sector and military pay. Last year's House and Senate voted pay raise, 3.9% over President Bush's 3.4%, seemed like a good attempt at closing the perceived 3.4% pay gap then, 2.9% now, in accordance with this Army Times article well that is until inflation began to rise in at an enormous rate, and America found itself in the current economic crisis it is in today. Now with what our new President proposes, the gap will only widen once again, coupled with inflation, forcing military families to once again wonder over how our sacrifices are being looked at by the leadership that states how well it is financially taking care of us.

Well Mr. O'Hanlon, just for the record, why not take a pole of military families and see just how many of them agree with you.......lets see a show of hands out there folks, do YOU think you are being financially taken care of?

I know there are number of widows who would disagree with you over the DIC and the offset in survivors benefits. There are a large group of retirees who retired after 20 years with a disability rating would grandly stand up and argue with you about the losses they took between their retirement pay and disability pay, (CRDP) something that the new laws are supposed to be fixing, yet reads like a car manual, my father in law is still not sure if he will benefit from it or not. Then there are the retirees that pay for their promised free heathcare for life....that is certainly taking care of them financially, I suppose medicare was what you were talking about all those years ago, hm.....you have to pay the medicare part B monthly premium on top of the tricare enrollment fees.....free health care huh, it's not free if it costs them 1460 a year just to have it! And that is not counting the co-pays.....good Lord, don't get sick, you might loose your house, thanks for serving though.

I can even argue with you over the Democrat and Republican raise differences and what our raise would have been had a Republican seated President been in office. The difference is significant. A full percentage point from last year to this year..... For our family, costs are only rising as our children get older. We have children entering college, property taxes have risen and the cost of things is only going up. The President speaks of supporting the troops and yet rewards their sacrifices with less money then his predecessor and then someone like Mr. O'Hanlon throws salt in the wound with his words. We are, for the most part, humble. But I am very outspoken and his comment, well, it pissed me off. He's a suit, in an office, advising on the budget as he always has. Sure he supported the War, but in my eyes, his words are wrong here.

My husband and those like him risk their lives for the freedoms of our Great Nation. After 21 years in the military he makes 63k a year (for tax purposes and our BAH does not come anywhere near paying our house payment let alone our utilities, this isn't because we live grandly, our property taxes are enormous and there is no housing here for us). My husband's background along with his education would place him in a senior level executive position in any corporation, along with his clearance he would double what makes in the military. We could bank his retirement pay and yet the military would like him to remain on active duty, why exactly? There isn't a reason that the military can justly come up with for him to remain in, he's hit eligibility for retirement. There is most certainly not a monetary reason for him to remain on active duty and yet, he does. He has his own reason for doing what he does.

The military comes up with incentives to try to keep it's active duty force in, everything from bonuses to the new post 9/11 GI Bill. (one in which those who have hit retirement can't even use it unless they commit to 4 more years of service, NICE BY THE WAY!) They limit who is eligible for the housing stipend, they enact family programs and then limit who is eligible for them and where they are available. And yet..... it is still losing it's senior leadership, those most qualified to lead.....if they wonder why, well I'd imagine with comments such as Mr. O'Hanlon's, you could bet that may be one of them. (along with the restrictions and limitations on the programs they use to try to keep it's Soldiers in, it would also be nice if retirees could use the benefits they have earned and paid for over their time in service as well, they did after all risk their lives for them too...but after all, it isn't set up as a reward for service, it is a retention tool).

My husband does not do this for the money, I do not support him doing it for the money, if that were the case, we would have left years ago......No amount of money is worth what any of us goes through. We have move multiple times in the last 10 years, gone through back to back deployments lasting a year or longer, all of us go through severe bouts of loneliness, battle depression, deal with issues surrounding our children, look for support from family and friends during hard times, we lose friends when we move, lose friends in combat, deal with sick children alone, sometimes sick family members alone, suffer through severe injuries to our Soldiers, and worse, lose our soldier to combat. Battle the effects of PTSD, combat stress, abuse, battle our health care systems, the school systems, and all the other issues we deal with day in and day out as military spouses. Financial hardship is something military families live with, we know that we are never going to become wealthy living this life. But to outwardly state that you think you are financially taking care of your people pretty good....isn't something you say after giving them the news that they are getting a 1% less pay raise then the year before. Especially after 7 years of fighting in two wars, spending several years separated from their loved ones and think they are going to smile and agree with you. At least not this Soldier's Wife.

My husband serves this Nation because he loves it, he loves the Soldiers he leads and the families supporting them, I support him doing it for the same reasons. If he did not do it, someone less qualified would be sitting in his position, something that he could just not sleep with at night. But one day he will walk away from it. There are others who feel just as strongly about staying in for these reasons as we do.....but they wont stay forever....

So when those of you out there sit down and look at the military as a whole, try looking a little deeper and see the the greater picture of why these Soldiers and their families do what they do, why those who are extraordinary leaders, lead. Why so many remain on active duty, make it their life's work, doing what they do for so long, taking risk after risk, and some giving all. And.... please do not take it to mean that you are financially taking care of them, because for the most part, you aren't. They do what they do for a much greater purpose, one that, unless you have actually done it yourself, you have no idea what you are talking about. People like Mr. O'Hanlon, well, he is just speaking words of ignorance, knowing that even if someone does not agree with him, he can just tune them out.

In our eyes, there is no debate about doing more, you can never do ENOUGH! These men and women risk their very lives to guarantee the freedoms taken for granted by so many. They do it for a calling that most will never understand, can never comprehend, and their families live a life most can never fathom. Do the right thing by them.

When the time comes to look at numbers in a budget, don't try to fix the economy at their expense, it did not get to be where it is because of them, in fact a great majority of them were fighting a War that quickly became unpopular because it wasn't won on America's timetable. Just keep in mind that if it weren't for these brave men and women, these Soldiers, their families, and every one of them that came before them, the very one's Mr. O'Hanlon is so quick to say, he is financially taking such good care of, this Nation would cease to exist as it does.

Thank God they are willing to risk everything, because if they didn't, who would?


**As a side note, I hear unemployment is up, the Army is always hiring and the Marines are looking for a few good men! If we are taken care of so financially well, then there should not be a problem with recruiting and retention...... I expect to see numbers hugely jump in light of Mr. O'Hanlon's grand statement of just how well we are taken care of financially.....

Or....... maybe not.

The kid's got talent.....

It was strange to hear those words coming from a man I hardly knew....especially this man. He grew up playing baseball, first little league then high school ball. Scouted to play for college on a scholarship, he would eventually be recruited to play in the minor leagues....then he would move up to play triple A ball......and then that day would come....the one that thousand of players wait for.....the day they moved up to the Major League team.

Sitting there on the bleachers at Dennis' tryouts for baseball today I listened to this man tell me the story of how he became a Major League player......and his decision to stop playing and the path that brought him to where he is today....... How players like him begin in one of the various farm teams in a ball club, how they can play for 10 years and never accomplish what he had accomplished...... and now he is living a new dream, that of a soldier.......one who will eventually become an officer......

What amazed me about him was how great he is with kids.....how great he is with Dennis. He met me at the store to make sure I got Dennis everything he would need for playing this year....right glove, right bat, right cleats......never batted an eye at helping me out with this. Here is this former Major League baseball player, former sports agent, who now finds himself in a completely different world, our world......yet he has no problem giving his time and his talent to my son, and to other military children who will be playing with him......it just speaks volumes to me about his character and who he is.

My husband played football his whole life.....coached young kids in football throughout his life..... coached Dennis and his teams over the last couple years when he was able to......my father coached baseball for as long as I could remember......not having daughters, he coached the boys in our neighborhood. I grew up baseball.....my sister and I spent summers on the field, dated the players on his team.....kept score for them for many seasons.......can't recall how many Orioles games I went to over my lifetime.....it was part of who I was, who I am.....(I hate softball by the way).....

I never had the chance to thank my dad for giving to me the sports knowledge that I have, both baseball and football.....I am and will always be my father's daughter in so many ways.....he taught me so much, gave me the basis in which to learn even more......and I never took the time to ever let him know how much it meant to me.....or maybe I just did not know how much it truly benefited me until now......for that I will forever regret not having told him....but I will forever be thankful that he instilled that and so much more in me..... It has made me a better parent in the end..... I am glad that he never felt like I was too much of a girl to share with me all he knew about life.....even if his life was cut short, too soon.......

and today watching Dennis field the ball, throw the ball and slam the hell out of the ball.....having never played and only have been coached a couple of times by this baseball hero of his.....I felt my dad there with us on that field......cheering on the grandson he never had the opportunity to know......knowing deep in my heart just how proud he would have been to sit on the bleachers and cheer him on......and as I closed my eyes........I heard in the wind, my father echo those words..... "the kid's got talent."

He does.....and one day, maybe he will show all of us just how much talent he's got.

The Life of the Wife is doing a give-a-way here for your choice of a CrossFit Journal or a Dior Iconic To Go Set plus the three free Sephora samples you get with every order.

Sara at When in Rome is doing a give-a-way in honor of her 400th post here where you can win her favorite perfume, Aquolina's Pink Sugar.

In honor of Valentine's Day, Mrs. Mojito, over at Mr. and Mrs. Mojito is giving-a-way a 24 Baby Witch Gift Box from the Fat Witch Bakery here.

What you do to enter each......simple, visit these great ladies blogs, become a follower of each, leave them a comment letting them know you have become a follower, and link their blog to a post in your blog.....each of these steps will earn you an entry into each of their give-a-ways and in Mrs. Mojito's give-a-way, the post will earn you more......

Good luck to each of them with their give-a-ways and to all that enter!

Last year......don't forget, it wasn't free money......it reduces your income tax return by the same amount this year.....

Don't get caught off guard by it when you have to enter it when doing your taxes this year......and make sure it is the right amount before you hit submit on that section of your taxes, because if you don't, it will cause issues for you and your tax return......when in doubt, check the amount, you can do that here, the IRS has ways of checking that, you know....

Ain't tax season grand.